


I'll Wait

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-18
Updated: 2006-03-18
Packaged: 2019-02-02 02:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12717915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Things left unsaid bring Jack back to Daniel.





	I'll Wait

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

The others have gone home. Only Janet's still here, sitting next to me on the sofa holding my hand. I look at her and see my own despair and loss mirrored in her big brown eyes that look so much like Jack's. 

Janet, of all people, is the only one who can truly understand what I feel now. We share our grief and hurt, know exactly what's going through the other's mind and yet cannot do anything to comfort each other. 

I know that she loved Jack but not like I loved him. When we were together during our days off you could see that they had a connection that went deeper than friendship. It was as though they were twins who had been separated after birth and now had found one another again. 

Sam and I always called them the JJ's to annoy them, but as much as they pretended to dislike each other all of us knew that they shared a bond none of us could ever grasp. If you looked at them you'd find similarities. The warmth of their eyes, the quick tongue, the same ill sense of humour, the stubbornness, the big heart, the protectiveness, the list goes on and on. 

Silence hangs heavily in the room. We keep staring at each other for what seems like eternity. Then Janet's eyes become liquid with tears and my own tears well up as I pull her into my arms. She holds on to me for dear life and I feel like... 

Like what, exactly? Words can't describe what I feel right now. It's everything and nothing at the same time; it feels strange and it slowly drives me insane. If Janet weren't here I'd probably run upstairs and search all the cupboards and closets for the bullets of Jack's gun and finish what I wanted to do the night I found him. 

That was just last week, wasn't it? It seems like a lifetime has passed since then. I've been staying in Jack's house, sleeping in his bed surrounded by pillows and blankets that still smell like him. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, thinking I heard Jack calling out my name. 

Then I jump out of the bed and search the whole house for a trace of his presence but I never find anything. It's just my mind playing tricks on me. 

Is it possible to will somebody back to life? If I thought of you coming back to me really hard, would you come, Jack? 

I miss you so much. I can't believe how utterly we misunderstood each other. If only we had talked, really talked... I keep the letter you've written always close with me, have read it a million times and still the words cut through my heart with razor sharpness. 

You loved me. Loved me and I was too stupid to realise that only because you never said it out loud. Now I have it written on a sheet of paper but it means nothing. Looking back I see that you said it all the time. Not with words but with a light touch here, a soft smile there, by giving me space, by trying so hard to get my wife back, by keeping me alive and never giving up on me... 

Janet has fallen asleep. I carry her upstairs into the guestroom and put her under the blankets. A small frown creases her forehead and she softly whispers your name. As I drop a kiss on her temple I pull up the blankets and quietly leave. 

Aimlessly I wander the big house until I end up in your bedroom. I undress and drop my clothes on the floor, crawl into bed and hug your pillow close, inhaling your scent. It's become weaker during the last days. Soon it will be gone as well. I start crying again.

* * *

I startle awake and look around. Someone has called my name. Moonlight floods the empty room. Sighing I rub my face. It's just been another trick of my mind. 

"Daniel." 

Who was that? My eyes dart around trying to find the source of the voice. There in a shadowy corner of the room a tall figure stands. I reach for my glasses on the nightstand. 

"Who is there?" I ask. 

The figure slowly steps into the moonlight and I freeze. It's... 

"Jack!" I croak and he nods smiling. I watch as he approaches the bed and sits down beside me. My head is swimming and I can hardly breathe. It is him, same face, same hair, same smile. I shut my eyes and start shaking my head. 

"This can't be true, we buried you this morning." 

"Daniel. Daniel, stop it!" Warm hands cup my face and I open my eyes to see the handsome face I love so much. 

"Oh, Jack," I hurl myself into his arms, holding him, never wanting to let him go. His strong arms encircle me and he rocks me lightly. 

"I'm sorry, Jack, so sorry. Love you, love you, never gonna let you go, don't leave..." I babble while I try to crawl inside him. 

He's making soothing noises trying to calm me down. This feels too real to be a dream. Maybe the last couple of days have just been a bad dream. Jack is here with me. I can feel him, feel his hands brushing over my back, his soft warm lips on my temple. 

"Jack, I thought I lost you. Had this dream in which you had killed yourself cause you thought I didn't love you... I do love you... You have to believe me... Wanna spend the rest of my life with you... So glad I woke up from that nightmare..." 

A sad smile curls his lips as he shakes his head, putting a finger on my lips to silence me. I try to protest but he presses his lips to mine and I forget what I wanted to say. Nothing would make me shut up except Jack's kisses. 

He pulls back and looks at me seriously. My heart skips a beat as I see all the love in those chocolate brown orbs. 

"It wasn't a nightmare, Daniel," he whispers, "All of it has happened." 

"What? But you're here, Jack. How could all that have happened if you're still here?" I ask confused. He looks away from me and tilts his head as if listening to something. 

"Jack? How come you're here?" 

He's still staring out the window. Then he sighs heavily and nods before he returns his attention to me. 

"I'm still here, Danny, cause I have unfinished business and they won't let me leave before I've taken care of them," he says and his eyes cloud with sadness. 

I look at him confused. Again I have no idea how to interpret his words. He holds up a hand before I can ask what he means. 

"Daniel, I'm here to tell you how much I loved you. How much the time we spent together meant to me, and how thankful I am that we were allowed the small piece of happiness we had. I'm sorry, that I failed to convey all this to you. Had I know then how you felt about me I'd never... 

"But it's too late now. I just want you to know that I always loved you and always will. Words are not enough to tell how happy you made me just by being there for me. You've done so much for me. You made me a better person and I thank you for that." 

I can't speak. My throat is completely dry as I stare at him. Those words I never thought I'd hear out loud... 

Again he looks towards the window and nods. His warm hands grab mine and once more his dark eyes bore into mine. 

"Now, I have to ask you for one last favour, my Daniel." 

"What is it?" I ask shakily. A warm smile curls his lips as he tightens his grip on my hands. 

"Give me permission to leave." 

"What?" 

"I can't leave until you let me. You're the one that keeps me here, Danny, and no matter how much I wished I could stay here with you I must leave." 

"Why can't you stay, Jack?" 

"Because I don't belong here," he whispers, "Let me go, Daniel." I can see tears in his eyes and feel moisture gather in my own. 

"I can't." His strong arms pull me into an embrace. 

"Yes, you can. You must, Danny. You have to be strong once more." 

I'm sobbing uncontrollably in his arms, holding him, never wanting to let go. I can't let him slip away, now that he's here with me. I can't. 

"Daniel," he whispers urgently, "I can't stay here, it hurts so much." 

I pull back and look at him seeing for the first time the small signs of discomfort. His eyes, however, shine brightly with love for me. 

"Let me go." 

I shake my head. 

"I can't, Jack." 

"Daniel, please, let me go." 

"Jack..." 

"Please, Daniel, please let me go." 

I swallow and reach out to touch his face one last time. He leans into my hand and smiles sadly. 

"Go, Jack." 

A happy sigh escapes him as he raises from the bed and retreats into the shadow. Before he completely vanishes he turns around once more a brilliant smile on his face. 

"I'll be waiting for you, Daniel."


End file.
